Another Blessing

Man, it sure has been a long time since I have gotten on here. Days just seem to fly by and I don't even realize it. This summer has been a pretty crazy one.

So, I ended up having my Mirena out in March. I have tried and tried to talk Steven into getting a vasectomy, but he has chickened out so far. Anyways, the week of our anniversary, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. At first, I cried because I wasn't wanting another baby. I feel bad about ever feeling that way, but it was how I felt. After a few days of thinking about it, I was coming around to the thought of having another baby. I would get the gushy feeling when I saw one or heard one cry. Yay! We are having a baby!

At about 6 weeks, I started cramping and bleeding, neither of which I have ever had with the other pregnancies. I went into my doctor's office to check it out. There it was on the screen, a beating heart and the bean shape of a baby! It's real now! Yay!

The following Saturday I woke up bleeding worse. We went into the ER and I saw him again! What a glorious sight! A little beating heart and our sweet baby! This was the first time Steven had seen it and he was starting to get the gushy feeling too.

I had to go back the next Tuesday for an update ultrasound to make sure everything was ok. Well, it wasn't. His little heart had stopped. So heartbreaking. I was at a loss for words. I couldn't even describe how bad I felt. That is the worst feeling I have ever had! All I could think about is, how do people purposely kill their babies?!

After a week of crying and praying nonstop, I am starting to do a little better. I still tear up at the thought or talking about it. I have to take comfort in knowing that God needing this baby to be with Him more that He needed him to be with us. I know I will see him (I feel like the baby was going to be a boy) again. I truly can't wait to meet him!

If you are ever going through a tough time, I encourage you to listen to "He is with us" by Love & the Outcome. It is the perfect song to help you overcome tough times!

Busy Bee

Geez! It has been a while. Life has gotten super busy for us. I haven't had time to do anything. Besides Steven and I both working, we have a child in piano, a child in karate, and a child in baseball. And did I mention that we (well, Steven mainly) are coaching the ball team. Plus church and church activities, volunteering, and my sewing. We are some busy bees!

The biggest thing that has been on my mind recently is Mason. I have been working on coming to terms that he has something going on in his little mind. I believe he has ADHD. We are going to a doctor at the beginning of May to confirm. It is a really hard thing to admit that your child has "something wrong" with them. It makes you feel like a failure as a mom. But I know I am not the only one who has gone through this and there are much worse things that could be wrong with him. I am studying up on it as much as I can and keeping it in my prayers. God will lead us to what we need to do for him.

So on top of the non-stop chaos of our lives, I have been mentally dealing with this. I need a vacation!

Happy New Year

It has been a while since I have had a chance to write anything. The holidays came and went so fast. And, as always, they were crazy! Cooking, people coming and going, wrapping and unwrapping, shopping, and everything else that comes with the holidays. I am pooped. And oh so ready for the kids to go back to school! Yay! Tomorrow can't get here quick enough.
I don't usually make New Year's resolutions. I never, ever follow through with them. I guess my resolution would be to not make any more resolutions. I could do that. We, as a family, are all going to try to eat better and be more active and healthy, but I'm not saying I am going to "lose weight" or "get to be a size 4". I am just going to be more healthy. I also decided to take on a year long project. I am going to collect all of the money that I find on the ground throughout the year to see how much it is. We will see how that goes.

All I can do is pray

I have recently learned that a couple I have known for 11 years just seperated. My best friend is having a trying time in her relationship. And the couple from church that I mentioned a while back, the father left his family. It was a big deal at church last night, because he was head deacon and the rest of the family is very involved in everything the church does. To me, they were a pretty great family. I am in shock, and my heart breaks not only for them, but for everyone I just mentioned.

I have wondered in the past how when people say the Lord spoke to them one way or another, how exactly they knew that. It never really clicked to me. Lately, however, I have certain people pop into my heart and I just say a prayer for them. I don't know what I'm praying for, I just pray. In the past few days, I have been told why I needed to pray for two of the people that God put on my heart. I get it now. Maybe I was expecting the clouds to open, or hear a deep voice in my head that would talk to me. But what happened was that their names just popped into my head, and I felt the need to pray.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.     Hebrews 4:16

Oh Mirena........

After I had Mason, 4 1/2 years ago, the cool thing to do was to get a Mirena. They were still fairly new so I didn't know a whole lot about it, other than I wouldn't have to worry about birth control for 5 YEARS!!!! Sold! I loved the thought of that! And it has been very nice. Now, it is time to think about what the next step is. Do I get another one? Does Steven get a vasectomy? Do we just play the odds and maybe have another baby? I hate making decisions! And this is a doosey of one! I started looking online about complications from having it and from getting it removed. Wow! I wish I could have read all of it 5 years ago. I am showing a lot of the same symptoms that these other women are from having it, I just never thought that my having a Mirena was the cause of them. Like weight gain, fatigue, hair loss, and moodiness. Now that I know that it is causing all of these things, why on Earth would I want another one? But it has been so nice to not worry about if we were careful enough or if I took a pill. And a little part of me would like to get pregnant again, but I don't know. Then I would have another child to feed, clothe, and raise. That kinda scares me. All I can do is have faith that God will tell us what decision to make.

Working on me

I know it has been a minute since I have written anything. I feel like I am just non-stop with everything. But, I swear, nothing ever gets done! How does that even out?!
Anyways, I recently found out someone I would have never guessed was having marital problems. Just listening to her talk about her problems made me think about myself. As of now, we have no problems in our marriage, but the things she said hit home, and I am sure a problem could arise in the future. (It's kinda hard to talk about while being very vague!) So, I have been trying to work on myself. I need to get closer to God! This is kinda hard for me because that's not what I have been used to for my whole life. I am trying though. I have always made excuses why I can't do all of the activities at church, but I am working on being more involved. I can't just jump in head first, because I don't want to freak myself out, I guess. But, if I just slowly work this into my life, I think it would be better. I hope this is the right thing to do. I have been praying for God to lead me into what he wants me to do.

Please and thank you

Barney taught us a long time ago that please and thank you are the magic words, so why have they been deleted from so many people's vocabulary?! I try to be as respectful as possible to everyone else, because that's how I want to be treated. It is so easy to say. And it means so much to the person you are saying it to. I give a "thank you wave" to anyone who lets me in front of them in traffic. I say thank you at least twice anytime someone helps me in any way. And while I'm at it, I will throw in "excuse me" too! If I squeeze my basket by you in the grocery store, I will throw in an "excuse me" with a smile. Why am I the only one doing this? I don't understand when everyone got so rude.

With that being said, I have to remind myself to always thank God for what he has blessed me with. It is so easy to just want to ask him to better our lives or perform a miracle, that we forget to thank Him just for letting us awaken today, or let us see His wonderful creations. Our pastor touched on this subject this Sunday, so that's where this started. But the fact that I work with the public, and I actually venture out into public every so often, just gives me more ammunition.

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.    Colossians 3:15-17

Remember to always thank God that you woke up today. We might all want to ask Him to heal someone sick, or lead us to a better job, or some other request, but we must tell Him "thank you" just for being Him!