So, I ended up having my Mirena out in March. I have tried and tried to talk Steven into getting a vasectomy, but he has chickened out so far. Anyways, the week of our anniversary, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. At first, I cried because I wasn't wanting another baby. I feel bad about ever feeling that way, but it was how I felt. After a few days of thinking about it, I was coming around to the thought of having another baby. I would get the gushy feeling when I saw one or heard one cry. Yay! We are having a baby!
At about 6 weeks, I started cramping and bleeding, neither of which I have ever had with the other pregnancies. I went into my doctor's office to check it out. There it was on the screen, a beating heart and the bean shape of a baby! It's real now! Yay!
The following Saturday I woke up bleeding worse. We went into the ER and I saw him again! What a glorious sight! A little beating heart and our sweet baby! This was the first time Steven had seen it and he was starting to get the gushy feeling too.
I had to go back the next Tuesday for an update ultrasound to make sure everything was ok. Well, it wasn't. His little heart had stopped. So heartbreaking. I was at a loss for words. I couldn't even describe how bad I felt. That is the worst feeling I have ever had! All I could think about is, how do people purposely kill their babies?!
After a week of crying and praying nonstop, I am starting to do a little better. I still tear up at the thought or talking about it. I have to take comfort in knowing that God needing this baby to be with Him more that He needed him to be with us. I know I will see him (I feel like the baby was going to be a boy) again. I truly can't wait to meet him!
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